so there's this guy living in my barn.

yeah, really.
 a nomadic friend sent me a fb message the other day desperate to get out of his current living situation.  all i had to offer was a hammock in the barn.  i guess he really was desperate, 'cause he showed up on my doorstep 3 days later.  the quiet one is avoiding him like the plague.  he likes his kingdom to be lacking in all unknown persons when he arrives, but i have a feeling he's not going to care soon.  today the nomad and i spent the afternoon clearing a fence row that's been bothering tq1 and me for years.  i'm thinking once he sees how awesome it is to have free labor for the price of bunking a nomad in the barn, he's probably not going to mind.
clearing fence rows doesn't really sound like such a fantastic thing, does it?  amazingly, it's the greatest chore i've found in all the time i've been on the farm.  everything else is sisyphistic.  laundry doesn't stay folded, dishes don't stay clean, bellies don't stay full, goats don't stay milked, grass doesn't stay cut.  but fence rows?  fence rows can stay clean for YEARS! and the work is surprisingly quick.  i mean, in 2 hours we were 1/4 of the way done. by the end of the summer i might actually have one whole side of the road cleared!  how cool would that be?
it's day 3 of summer break.  so far my children have not turned into tv zombies and they've not driven me nuts.  i am, however, taking a timeout from them so i can write a long overdue blog. so far the kids have been spending all their time wet and dirty.  i'm soooo thankful that pirate and monkey are old enough to play together now.  i've been hauling them out to which ever field i'm working in and turning them loose to catch crawdads and tadpoles and whatever else it is that turns my caucasian children into urchins of unidentifiable origin by the end of the day.  bill waterson (the greatest philosopher of the modern day, IMHO)once said "if your knees aren't green by the end of the day you ought to seriously reexamine your life"  i think that's pretty terrific advice, and my kids are living it to the fullest.
now, if you don't mind, i'm going to go spray my kids with the waterhose while i fill up the pool.  accidentally, of course.

told you so

it's a lot harder to be funny when you have to spit out more than a one-liner. however, i have discovered that there's a "blogger app" on my phone, so when ever the fairy of extreme hilarity attacks (like when i'm standing in line at the store and there's not a friend in front of or behind to whisper my snark to.
so i'm going to try keeping up a running line of snarktastic monologue during the day.  and seeing how today is the first official day of summer vacation i'm surrrrrre i'm going to have plenty of snark to come.

if you say so

have you ever noticed how very different someone else's opinion of you is from your own self-view? i've been told more than once that i'm intimidating.  i really just don't get that, and i'm certainly not proud of it. i see myself as a pretty average individual.  i've made some exceptionally poor choices in my life, but i've tried not to blame anyone else for the consequences of those choices.  i think i've done a pretty good job of making the best of what ever circumstance i've put myself into.  but geepers, i've never hidden who i am or what i've done from anyone, ever.  i know that all too often i offer unwarranted advice, but i usually apologize shortly thereafter. i like 99% of all people, and i love a lot of them.  i'm easy to get to know (mainly because i tell eeeevvvverrrything about myself in the first few conversations) and i rarely judge people.
i guess, in my mind, i never place myself on a higher plane than anyone else.  well, maybe above the woman with fighting, dirty kids, unbrushed hair in a ponytail, mud-cuffed jeans and yesterday's t-shirt standing in line at walmart.  wait, what? that's a MIRROR?!? oh crickets! are you serious?  how on EARTH can that woman be intimidating?
on a totally different note:  i have SPARKLY HAIR and i'm really excited about it.  i figured if God was gonna give me silver, i was gonna add in some metallic rainbow strands too, instead of covering up his handiwork.  :-D
o, and i've decided that this :< is my kermit face.  you know that face that kermit makes when someone says something to which he has no reply?  the one where the bottom of his face kinda crumples in?  (have i mentioned how much i lurve sesame street?) yeah, this is my emoticon for that.  :< i think it fits pretty well.  and mentally, i make that face a lot.  especially where my kids are concerned.
yeah, i know this is total stream-of-consciousness ramble.  that's just how my is.  i really  couldn't think of anything to write about today, so i've just written about it all.  i don't really want to be one of those people that fills you in on everything i have for breakfast (bacon, egg and cheese biscuit from mc'd's) or every minute detail of my day (need a shower and a toothbrush, working cows later w/dad, fairypunk missed the bus because she kept losing her contacts, pirate sang everything this morning in a running commentary with the help of his new puppet, frank.  monkey princess went to school with a pink striped shirt, a blue flowery skirt and no clippies or bows in her hair.) and i don't intend to whine or complain about things unless i can turn it into a funny story.  'cause i'm from the south. and southerners lurve a good story. and i can turn ANYTHING into a story.
just watch me

Cast of Characters

• the quiet one- dear hubby, the long suffering man.  he's gonna show up a lot. sometimes good, sometimes with a rant attached, 'cause he's human and so am i, but i love him an awful lot.  God only knows why he puts up with me
• fairypunk- entering the dreaded teen years and dragging me along kicking and screaming.  you know that saying "you pay for your raising"?  yeah.  just like that. (mommy, have i told you i was sorry lately for all i put you through?  i am.  really. really.REALLY sorry.)  favorite colors are hot pink and lime green.  she's kind of a spectacular kid.  she wears lime green doc-esq boots to school and has a brand new feather-y fascinator for her hair tomorrow.
• pirate- 8 year old boy, love narnia, ships, outdoors, bugs, smelling bad, trying to make mommy lose her mind, animals, science, gregorian chants and metalica. he's dyslexic, add, off the wall and super intense. he's hysterically funny, but sometimes i have to see him through someone else's eyes to remember that
• monkey princess- 5 year old, into all things pink and girl.  dances in a tutu on thursday afternoon then plunks her pink frilly little tush into a mud puddle before i can get it off of her and into the wash. so smart it's frightening.  her nose and cheeks are covered with freckles, but she'll tell you they're angel kisses that her daddy's momma gave her in heaven before she left there to come live with mommy and daddy. 
• sweet sister- is graduating from college this summer.  she's bar none my best friend.  my right arm. she spent her junior and senior years of high school practically living at my house (thank God for the family farm!) and everything i did she did right along side me.  she knows my kids better than i do sometimes and she definitely knows me better than i know myself.  she's the nerdiest person i know, but it's a dirty-nerdy.  i always know i can ask her anything and if she doesn't know the answer, i know she'll research it 'til she finds the right one.
• baby sister is a freshman in school.  she's 13 years younger than i, and i used to get dirty looks when i'd take her out for a stroll.  i used to sing her to sleep every night (and she still loves me anyway!).  she's the cool sister.  the one that creates outfits that are absolute works of art.  she wears vintage hats and her hair color is subject to change like light hitting a peacock's feathers.
• unk- my kid's favorite uncle and my favorite brother.  he and his wife (aunchairty) live out of state and we don't get to see them nearly enough.  
• daddy- my hero.  fixer of all broken things, knower of all unknown, builder of all projects, willing to drop anything he's working on for anyone that needs a hand.  never met a stranger, never at a loss for words, and more importantly, never without a funny one-liner.  best quote ever: "time wounds all heels".  he's mended broken hearts and broken fences at the same time and once explained the inner workings of a carburetor, centrifugal force and  quantum physics on a 45 minute car ride home from my boyfriend's house.  yeah, he's just that cool. he wears cowboy boots, even when he was behind the pulpit.
• mommy- wow.  there just aren't even words.  she has a direct line to God, like none i've ever seen.  her greatest desire was to raise her children to love and follow Him.  she is mother to we 4, and countless adopted daughters and sons.  the chorus that will rise up to call that woman "blessed" will be deafening. she is wise beyond wisdom. kind beyond caring. she loves beyond pain.  and goodness, has she seen pain. she's absolutely the wind beneath my wings.  she is the best friend of many many people and she loves them all.  i only hope that someday i will be like her.
• the grands- just turned 90.  poppa bought the family farm on his 35th birthday, and the legacy that he's built here has touched hundreds of lives. they're sort of a quiet couple, and the wit is so dry that sometimes you kind of choke on it as it goes down. i am honored to be their caretaker, but sometimes, it's just plain hard. but they're very forgiving and they love me anyway, and really, what more could you ask for?
• chelle- slightly more mature friend, in that she has a real job, with a real paycheck.  single mom, 2 kids, 3 years away from empty nest.  has new pad close to the farm with a back deck just for grown ups.  super artistic, incredibly intelligent, very witty.  also, not above kicking my tookus to make me do what needs to be done.  every one needs a friend like her.
• stace & #2- stace is my partner in crime these days.  she and #2 are the parents of my other 2 sons.  their boys are at my house as often as we can get them here.  they sandwich pirate in age, and they're just fun to watch.  plus, stace and i get to jabber over coffee or potting soil or milkstands and that works out well for all of us.
• me-well, yeah.  i'm just a character all to myself.  i have lots of people in my life.  all of them are friends.  a lot of them have been best friends at some point or another.  that's not an exclusionary term in my book, but an inclusionary one.  i guess i kinda see them as crayons.  how can you pick a favorite crayon?  they're all beautiful, but you don't really want to use a blue (no matter how pretty it is) to color the grass green, it just won't work.  so, i guess different chapters of my life have different friends.  or maybe, it's just different coloring pages. i dunno.

You oughta start a blog

Yeah?  you think so?  'cause I'm pretty sure you're gonna regret that particular request.  unless by convincing me to post my rantings HERE you think it's gonna free up some of your newsfeed.  don't count on it.  i'm gonna be verbose no matter WHERE i am.  on the newsfeed, i'm limited to 420 character, and i'm guessing you're going to find out that i'm a lot funnier in short doses than in long ones. but *shrug* here we are.
today is the day before i celebrate my entrance into motherhood.  13(gah!  really?!?! gees!) years ago my oldest kiddo was born.  she flung me headlong into a world of weird that i don't think i'll ever creep out of. but it's ok, really.  i kinda like it here and everyone understands me.  or at least, they nod their heads sympathetically while taking discrete steps back in the hope that i don't get any of my crazy cooties on them. either way, it works for me.
yeah, 13 years.  yeah, i'm only 31.  yeah, i don't look old enough to have a teenage daughter.  i know.  that's because i'm NOT old enough to have a teenage daughter.  i started stupid-young. i was sure that i was going to be different from all the other knocked up teenagers.  and he was going to love me forever.  and we were going to make it through all the hard times and come out stronger for them.  and our love would be enough to see us through. and. and. and. yeah.  in the real world, there ARE people who marry their high school sweetheart and stay married forever, but in all likelihood, YOU ARE NOT ONE. so don't think you're gonna beat the odds.  it's just not a risk worth taking. for the record, he-who-made-me-a-mother, is one of my best friends.  i turn to him for a shoulder and a hanky and a whipping boy when i need to, and he does the same for me.  we're GREAT at being friends, we just really stunk at being married.
well, now that i've rambled unintelligibly for a while, a brief introduction is in order, before i have to dash off to be a motherslavedaughtergrandaughterfieldhandfarmhandcookcheesemakerandfriend.
i have 3 fantastic kiddos.  i'm married to a very patient man of few words (no one is sure if that's his choice, or if i just don't give him the opportunity to get his words out).  i live in my dream house (it's almost 100 years old and even though he hates it, the quiet one bought it for me, because it made me happy) on a little farm next to my family's farm.   we raise children, goats, grass, cows, chickens and lots of cane (that was a funny. go with me on it) i'm never still, but i'm kinda lazy.  my house is ALWAYS chaotic, and it will never ever ever look like a magazine.  until someone starts a magazine that shows things like baby chicks in wooden cow planters in the dining room, last night's dinner dishes in the sink, 5 pairs of muck boots on the back stoop and 3 days worth of laundry piled on the couch that might be red, but no one is sure, 'cause the upholstery hasn't been seen in 2 months. all my sentences are run-ons because i'm afraid that if i stop to take a breath (or even for emphasis) someone will interrupt me and i'll never get to finish. i also change subjects rapidl..holy crap!  it's after 10!  i have to take a shower and pick up the fairypunk from school to celebrate her birthday!